I can forgive because I’ve been forgiven
Read time: 7 mins
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.“
Matthew 6:14-15 NLT
Remember that nothing you do earns salvation, but God’s salvation is so powerful that it can't help but produce change in your life. The symptoms don't make the sickness, but if you have the sickness you will end up with the symptoms. Forgiveness is the symptom of being forgiven. Your salvation isn't earned by your ability to forgive others, but your desire to forgive others is a sign of if you have truly accepted the forgiveness you have already received from God. That means that if you are having trouble forgiving, odds are you have not come to terms with God forgiving you.
I’m reminded of a parable Jesus told in Matthew 18. Peter comes to Jesus and asks how many times he should forgive. And Jesus responds by saying he should be forgiving others way more than he thought he should be. Then Jesus continues with a story.
Jesus says the kingdom of God can be described by this: There was a king who decided to sit with his accountant and get up to date on his finances. He found a man that owed him millions of dollars and had not paid him. The man couldn’t pay and had nothing to make up for what he owed to the king. So he fell on his face and begged the king for mercy. The king had mercy on this man who owed him more than he could ever conceptualize paying back. The king showed underserved grace and unmerited favor towards the man who was indebted to him and forgave him of his debt. The man should have rejoiced. He was pardoned from a debt he got himself into and could not pay back. He was free from bondage. He was liberated. He was saved. But his reaction to vindication was not celebration.
He leaves the merciful pardon of the king to whom he owed his life, and finds another person who owed him a few dollars. The man had been cleared of millions but turns and attacks another person who only owed him a few dollars. He has been forgiven of millions but is still focused on the person who owed him a few cents in comparison.
The king hears of this and sends for the man he had forgiven.
“Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.“
Matthew 18:32-34 NLT
The king who had cleared him of millions, takes back his forgiveness and has the man he forgave of millions thrown into prison for the rest of his life. And Jesus says that that is what will happen to you if you do not forgive. Many of us are having trouble letting go and pardoning others of the debts they owe us because we haven’t come to terms with how much we have been pardoned by God. We allow the faults of others to control us and keep us bound when God has already liberated us. You have no right to hold a wrong over someone else’s head when God didn’t hold your faults over yours.
Forgiveness doesn't earn your salvation, but it definitely proves that you recognize the salvation you’ve been given. If you have experienced the true freedom and gratitude from being forgiven, you’d want others to experience the same. You may have to take the time to really come to terms with how much damage your stupidity, insecurity and fear has caused in the lives of others to realize how much of a debt you have been forgiven of. It’s almost like we believe in a different God for us vs others. We believe in healing and restoration and unmerited favor when it's about us, but we preach control, retribution and unredemptive punishment when others are the topic of discussion. We must remember that forgiveness is about allowing others to receive what you got.
Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to forgive others in the way Christ has forgiven us. So let's be reminded of how He has forgiven you.
God’s nature is love. If we believe that God is love, we must also come to terms with the idea that one of His core values is choice. You cannot truly love without freedom of choice. Love cannot be forced, it must be chosen. And in order for a freedom of a choice-based loved to exist, God also had to allow for risk. That means that in order for Him to truly love, He had to make a world where you could freely choose to not love Him and act in ways contrary to the way He made this world to function.
Paul in Ephesians tells us to love like Jesus loved and goes on to list a characteristic of this love by reminding us that Jesus knew us enough to expect our mistakes, make room for our faults and love us in spite of them. God’s forgiveness goes so deep that He offered it before we messed up. He had already made the decision to offer forgiveness, knowing we were faulty and would stray.
Jesus understood that what others did said more about them then it said about Him. He was safe and solid regardless of how others wronged Him. He was able to say “Father forgive them for they know not what they do” because His identity wasn't wrapped in others understanding His identity. Many of us base our identity on if others view us as weak or strong or even right or wrong. But the call to identity in Christ is a call to recognize that you are safe, chosen, loved, valued and secured even when you don't get an apology.
If we are to forgive like Jesus, our goal in issues with others will be radical reconciliation and not revenge or retribution. We should have the same mind in us that is in Christ Jesus. God fought to make things right with you when He could have easily thrown you away and labeled you as a torture-deserving sinner. How do you treat those who wronged you? Jesus is so merciful that His first miracle was literally one of covering someone’s reputation at a wedding and not outting them for their lack. You were in the wrong and He covered your reputation and fought to bring you back to right standing. That’s the type of grace he had. The grace of the prodigal son’s dad which allowed his son to leave when he had all legal right to kill him on the spot. Because momentary separation with a chance of reconciliation is better to God than immediate retribution. That’s how grateful God is. So many stories point this out and if we find our strength and identity in Jesus we can also treat others like Jesus treats us.
Psalm 103:8-12 says this: “The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”
Micah 7 reminds us that God will not stay angry with His people forever. It goes on to say that He will trample our sins under His feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean. He won't hold our sins over our heads or call us out of name because of our past. God knew our nature and still decided to love us. He knew we would mess up and decided to offer forgiveness in advance. What if we treated others like that?
This takes wisdom. The spirit must lead in this. The Bible instructs us to seek reconciliation above all else. We should have an inner drive that desires reconciliation, peace and ultimately salvation among those who wrong us. But when that isn't possible and the other party chooses not to repent (which just means turn and change your mind), we need to know the difference between a Peter and a Judas. Both betrayed Jesus on the same day, but one had a bad day and the other had a bad heart. Jesus loved them both but had enough discernment to react to them differently.
You may be wondering how you will get justice from those who hurt you if you forgive. But what worked for Jesus can work for you. The Bible says that His kindness is what leads you to repentance. Jesus isn't mean to you as part of a strategy to get you to realize how mean you’ve been to Him. He actually is so kind to you that you can’t help but see the contrast of your character and His and this prompts you to humbly run back into His arms in repentance. He loves you so much that He chases you with love while still giving you the freedom to walk away if you decide to have nothing to do with Him.
Our desire should be to see others reconciled the way we have been reconciled to Christ. But this doesn't mean to not have boundaries or not acknowledge your hurts. David was abused, betrayed and hunted down by a man who should’ve been his mentor, and through the power of the Holy Spirit, David forgave. David forgave Saul to the point that he continued to spare his life when he could have easily killed him, and honored him and provided for his family even after he died. David forgave but still admitted how much Saul had sinned against him and created boundaries and lines of separation as a result of Saul’s sins against Him. David did not go back into an abusive relationship with Saul when he invited him to move back in. There should still be boundaries. The Bible is very clear about the consequences of evil. But harboring the weight of unforgiveness in your heart is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
So forgiveness of others is not what earns forgiveness from God. But if you accept God’s forgiveness, you will desire to see the fruit of forgiveness in your life. If you are struggling with forgiveness, turn to God and meditate on what His forgiveness towards you means. Meditate on the security you have in Jesus and how that gives you a safety to love those who wrong you. That will lead to you forgiving others. I know it's a process. I know it's a challenge. It’s something you will constantly be growing at. But as you are washed over with grace and mercy from God, you will be prompted to desire redemption in the lives of others too. Pray for your enemies and your heart for them will change from retribution to redemption.
Realizing that your identity isn't tied to your sins will give you the ability to not hold the sins of others as a mark of their identity. Realizing that you are a completely new creation after turning and accepting Jesus will help you believe that the same can be true for others. If He took you from an addicted, immature, emotionally volatile, insecure and broken mess and still loved you and used you, maybe He can do the same with others. Give them the grace God gave you.
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I challenge you to spend time praying for those who wronged you. I guarantee it will bring peace to your heart.
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