Speak Up

Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord. And she made this vow: “O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut.” As she was praying to the Lord, Eli watched her. Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. “Must you come here drunk?” he demanded. “Throw away your wine!” “Oh no, sir!” she replied. “I haven’t been drinking wine or anything stronger. But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord. Don’t think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.” “In that case,” Eli said, “go in peace! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him.” “Oh, thank you, sir!” she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad.

1 Samuel 1:10-18 NLT

Being a follower of The Way, by definition, means you will live a countercultural life. Trailblazers are often among the loneliest. Following the path less traveled means that you will be misunderstood, mishandled, and misfortuned to experience a burden that many others won't. There is a weight of your call—a burden with the blessing—that those who aren't walking in the same anointing will never understand. They won't get why you walk the way you do. They won't get why you work the way you do. They won't understand what it's like to steward influence and everything that comes with it. That’s because spiritual things must be spiritually discerned. Paul says that the ways of God will seem foolish to those who are perishing. The ways of the Spirit will be considered foolishness to those who don't have the Spirit leading them into all truth. 

People will be offended by your very existence. The audacity of your perspective will irritate them. The fact that you have the boldness to dream and see the potential of a new way of life will trigger those who have found comfort and identity in being stuck. This is to be expected. A decision to enter through the narrow gate is an invitation to ridicule, strife, and discord with the very communities you once belonged to. Jesus says that if His very own people hated, ridiculed, and demonized Him, they sure will do the same towards us. 

Hannah, the mother of Samuel, understood what it was like to experience the pain that comes with position. Like David, Daniel, Joseph, and Moses, she was called to birth something Into the world that would bring revolution to a people who didn't know they were missing it. But like them, pain would be the prerequisite to her purpose. Before she could give birth to the prophet that would transform so much of Biblical history, she experienced anguish. 

Like many others, part of her anguish came from the fact that she struggled to birth the child she dreamed of. She, like many others who were called to birth blessings, struggled with fertility. God had placed the desire in her heart to give birth to a son whose life would be dedicated to the work of God, but she was seemingly blocked from the blessing of birth. She longed for greatness to come from her but struggled to see it come to pass. Have you felt like God has called you to birth something of impact into the world but struggled to see it materialize? 

While the others around her seemed to have no problem getting pregnant, she seemed to be passed over each time God was in the neighborhood. Can you identify with this? It wasn't just that others would get pregnant and she wouldn't, she would get taunted because of it. 

The text tells us that Peninnah, Hannah’s husband's other wife, would taunt and make fun of Hannah because she had children and Hannah didn't. Each time they would go to church, Hannah would be taunted, diminished and discouraged because she had no children. The Bible says that each time, she would be reduced to tears and would be too distraught to eat. She would constantly be ridiculed and wounded in the very family in which she should have found safety and support. Can you identify? 

You'd expect her husband to stand up for her and encourage her in this tumultuous time but when he would see her crying, he would disregard her feelings and tell her that her tears weren't necessary. Not only is she being taunted, she is being ignored and marginalized when she tries to express her emotion. The people around her cannot seem to sympathize with her suffering.

As she walks through emotional abuse, she is consistently told to sit still and shut up. She is spoken to as if her emotions aren't valid. She is related to as if she is the problem when she is the one crying out for liberation from this emotional abuse. 

I've counseled people who grew up in families and communities akin to Hannah’s and they walk with the lasting results of their trauma. They have been consistently taunted while their feelings have been ignored by the closest people to them. It becomes harder and harder for them to confidently walk in the vision God has given them because those around them dismiss their dreams while emphasizing their failures. 

It becomes increasingly difficult for them to share their visions and even to give themselves space to believe what God has placed in their heart because every time they do they get hurt. Every time they speak up, they are told to shut up. Closed doors, emotional distance, silence, and isolation often become a trauma response as their attempted vulnerability is continually met with jokes and mismanagement. This is a common experience amongst those who are called to walk out with a unique purpose. The people closest to you won't often get it and as a result, they will mismanage you, but what I love about Hannah’s resolve is that when her family isn't safe, her Father becomes her security. 

Isolation is an Invitation to Intimacy

Oftentimes God uses isolation as an invitation to intimacy. It's often in the silence that isolation creates that God speaks the loudest. When no one around her seems to get it, Hannah runs with reckless abandon into the arms of her Father. The text says that her response to the anguish and isolation she felt was intense intimacy with the Father. She ran into the presence of the Lord and bitterly cried at His feet. She presented her petition and poured out her pain. When no one else understood the issue, she talked to God about it. When no one else was safe to open up to, she was honest with the Father. 

I want you to be like Hannah. Christ lives to make intercession for us. He asks us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us. You may not even have the words to convey the pressure and pain you're under, but the good news is that the Holy Spirit will interpret your moans and groans. When words won't even express what you feel, God will still hear every message. Hannah finds herself so lost in the presence of God that while her lips are moving, her words fall short. 

Church Hurt

You would think that if anyone were to understand this level of anguish releasing intimacy, it would be the church people. However, when Eli, the priest, sees Hannah’s worship, he assumes there is foul play. While the Bible says to be slow to speak and quick to listen, Eli does none of that. He reacts immediately with an assumption. He comes to her accusing her of being drunk and immediately starts preaching about how she should throw away the wine she didn't have. 

Let's take a break from talking to those who feel like Hannah so that we can address those of us who run the risk of being the Eli in someone’s story. This is a reminder that not everything you see that rubs you wrong is wrong. Not everything that triggers you is terrible. 

So many of us have unknowingly injured and intimidated people who were simply seeking an answer from God because we didn't like their process. We persecute and punish those we don't know because of rumors we have not confirmed and make it even harder for them to walk with God to accomplish the work in their hearts that He had already begun. Be careful who you critique and criticize. You could be turning away the very person who chose God in the midst of their deepest anguish. 

Eli didn't know that he was potentially turning away the mother of one of the greatest gifts to his temple and the kingdom of God on that day. Eli, your rash and reckless response could stop a Samuel from being brought into the world. Slow down. Listen and learn before you speak. Encourage before you critique. Think before you make jokes. Offer comfort before you offer counsel. 

While I must confront the potential Elis among us, I still want to comfort the Hannahs. Here's the thing. It’s not just family who won't get it. You have probably lived long enough to recognize that It's church people too. They will accuse and assume too but what I love about Hannah is that she doesn't allow this pastoral persecution to push her away from her pursuit. 

While it’s wrong for them to make brash and bodacious comments without weighing the cost of their words, it's going to happen and I don't want you to be swayed away from your blessing because of it. Don't let a comment from an old misinformed church lady turn you away from the body. 

Stand and Confront

I love that Hannah doesn't let this negative assertion turn her away or push her deeper into her shell. Hannah stands up to Eli and defends herself with the same level of boldness he used to accuse her. She confidently speaks up and tells Eli to his face that he is wrong. 

Many of us struggle with this because we've been taught that speaking up invites attack. We are used to passively standing by as people make their jokes and poor assertions about us, our motives, and our mission. But Hannah stands tall and speaks truth to power. 

This is so important because while we should not throw our pearls to the swine by wasting our time arguing with fools, there are some people whose maturity will only show up when you speak up. They will only grow after you plant the seed. Could it be that some of the people who ridicule and critique you are only doing so because you haven't said anything? They think it's ok. They think their assumptions are right because you've never confronted them. They don't realize they're in the wrong because you have never stood up to their oppression. You never told them any better so they are running boldly in the past of destruction.

Eli was the priest. He was the guy in power, but Hannah had the boldness to stop his sermon and tell him why he was wrong and why he should shut up and repent. Don't be scared of people. They only have power because you haven't spoken. 

Don't allow yourself to be trampled over because you've never puffed out your chest and put a stop to the damaging assumptions. Speak up. Tell them what damaging assumptions they are professing. Hannah doesn't just say that Eli is wrong, she takes the time to educate him on what he saw and what it meant. She explains her feelings and the truth behind her situation. Some people are just running with false facts and you could put a stop to it by telling them the truth. 

Some of us may need to be bold enough to build boundaries and make ultimatums. Hannah stood up to the priest and said, “Don't think of me like that.” Stand up and tell your family to stop running with that narrative. Look them in the eye and tell them that the joke isn't funny. Stand up and tell them that you will no longer tolerate their damaging actions. Be bold enough to specifically tell them what you expect from them moving forward. Stand up and tell them to stop assuming that your motives are impure. Question them on why they assume what they believe. Make them face the narratives they've been promoting. Don't be afraid of making it awkward. Speak to them boldly. Speak clearly. Speak confrontingly. You may actually win teammates for your mission. 

Be bold about the truth of what God has and hasn't called you to. I have literally seen people who have had issues with me in the past come with repentance and apology because they saw the real me. How? Because the boldness of my life proved that their assumptions were wrong.  People have hated and ridiculed me and recently have had to eat their words and repent because I didn't hide my true self and God was able to shine through me enough to bring light to false narratives. People have come to me apologizing for believing negative narratives about me after God gave me opportunities to boldly confirm them about the issues they've had with me. 

The clearing of your name isn't even the best part though. Being bold enough to allow your life to be a loud witness can actually turn haters into your top supporters. Some of my loudest support comes from people who used to loudly critique. 

In the Bible, there is a story of a blind man who heard that Jesus was passing by. He believed that Jesus could give him what he was missing, so he cried out for Jesus. He started screaming until something happened. The church people around him tried to silence him but he kept getting louder and louder. The people who had what he didn't try to detain him because his noise disturbed their comfort. But Jesus heard his cry and his voice was enough to make Jesus stop and tend to his situation. Jesus will stop in the crowd to fix your situation if you just speak up. Stop being silent. Speak up. 

Zora Neal Hurston said that if you are silent about your pain, they'll kill you and say you enjoyed it. Be bold about your needs. Be bold about your reality. Be bold about what is impacting you even if it angers the oppressors. Be bold even if it angers those who have benefited from your silence. You have to get bold if people are going to realize they were wrong about their assumptions. Be so bold that when people get close they are forced to recognize that the rumors they've spread are false. Be bold enough to explain yourself and prove that the accusations hold no weight. Be real enough for people to see that you aren't what they thought you were. You have to let God’s light shine bright if it is going to illuminate the dark places of deception. Hannah speaks up about the negative assumption and as a response, Eli switches teams. 

Enemies become Teammates 

Eli goes from critiquing to encouraging. When Hannah is bold enough to confront and explain, Eli says I get it now and starts to bless Hannah. He aligns his blessings with her burden. I want you to catch this because Hannah’s boldness actually becomes the catalyst for her miracle. 

She explains her situation to the person who was just criticizing her. He doesn’t just recognize the error in his past, he turns to bless her and tells her to go in peace. The Bible doesn't just say that her sadness left. It says that prayer was answered and she gave birth to Samuel. 

It’s important to speak up for yourself because the blessing of those who don’t get it now may be what will open the door for you to get what you have been fighting for. Don’t shy away from speaking up. Eli may not get it now but if you speak up, he can be an ally later. Eli later becomes a mentor and father figure for Hannah’s miracle son, Samuel. This all became possible because Hannah had the tendency to speak up even when she was used to misunderstanding. Will you speak up? 

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