Admit It So That You Can Receive Mercy
Read Time: 8 mins
If you hide your sins, you will not succeed. If you confess and reject them, you will receive mercy.
Proverbs 28:13 ICB
When I turned 21, my parents assembled 25 men who had influenced my life growing up and had them make a “Man to Man” video, giving me the advice they wished they received at 21. I can attach it below. Some spoke life and gave encouragement. Others reminded me to steward influence and money. Some detailed the mistakes they made or truths they learned. They outlined anything they thought that I should avoid or emulate as I embarked on a journey of manhood. Regardless of the diverse backgrounds and stories, one central theme remained. That central theme was responsibility. It’s the idea that the difference between a boy and a man is not age but your ability to take responsibility.
One of the biggest problems in society is that we have boys who can point the finger but not men who have enough integrity and courage to take responsibility for their actions. While this is vitally important for men, I believe it's needed for all thriving Christians. Both men and women need to build this muscle of taking accountability, having agency, and employing enough self-awareness to ask themselves where they went wrong and what they can improve in.
Today's text essentially says that those who accept fault and move forward will achieve success and be met with mercy. Those who have a strong enough character to stand in their mistakes and take responsibility will prosper. If you hide your sins, you won’t succeed, but if you admit and turn from them you will receive mercy. I believe many of us are missing out on the success and prosperity we want to experience because we can’t admit and take responsibility for our sins.
One of my biggest pet peeves is people who cannot take responsibility. One of the most annoying parts of growing up is realizing that some adults are physically mature but emotionally childlike. You may have the body of a middle-aged man or woman but you’re stuck with the same triggers, fears, and feelings as the 7-year-old version of you. Oftentimes those with low emotional intelligence have a hard time taking fault and acknowledging their responsibility in life. It takes a lot to stand flat-footed and stand on the consequences and effects of your own decisions.
Have you ever met someone who is an expert at pointing out what could have been done better in the conduct of those around them but they have none of the awareness and honesty necessary to admit the part they played? As I listen and counsel those in church, community, and relational conflicts, I've recognized how seldom it is that people will acknowledge their role in the fight.
I hear a lot of people complaining about what their boyfriends or girlfriends have done but they rarely acknowledge how bad they are at picking partners or how they legitimately ignored God when He told them not to move forward. I have amazing respect for the parties when they can boldly come to terms with their mistakes and missteps and not just create a laundry list of faults found in the other person. I recently saw a video of Martha Stewart explaining how worthless and terrible her husband was in their relationship with no acknowledgment that she cheated on him first. She couldn't acknowledge that she played a part in the hurt of their relationship. It's easy to criticize the reactions of others but ignore the actions you employed that prompted the reaction. It's easy to critique the responses of others but ignore the role you played.
We all know people like that and if we’re extra honest we can admit that we are those people at times. I know I am. It's easy to make what hurt you the focus and not what you did as a response to that hurt or to cause it in the first place. I don't want this to be the type of thing you read and think about how others need to read it. I want to call us to a higher standard of success and greater experience of mercy. I want you to man up or woman up, take responsibility, and take the time out to truly reflect on what it means for you, not anyone else. This is our call to take responsibility.
The Bible says that those who cannot admit their faults forfeit success. You want success, prosperity, and peace, right? Those who cannot come to terms with their mistakes live a life of mediocrity. Those who cannot recognize what areas they can grow in never grow. Many of the challenges we consistently experience in our finances, health, education, romantic relationships, platonic relationships, parenting, career, and goals will be alleviated if we can be self-aware enough to acknowledge where we could be better. We have to acknowledge that our mistakes have an effect, and that our adjustments can changed things for the better. Don’t turn a blind eye to what you play a part in. Don't get caught up in the things you can't control, but don't go to the other extreme of ignoring the things you can. It may be uncomfortable, but like most processes, it's worth it. Not only that, you are free to admit fault because the Bible says that you will be met with mercy. It’s ok to admit that you messed up because God will catch you.
I understand. It’s scary to admit fault. A child’s first lie is typically one of self-preservation. We ignore our humanity to protect ourselves. We want to be presented in a positive light with no risk of others not liking us or abandoning us. It’s scary to come clean and acknowledge our failures. It’s difficult to be upfront about our wrongdoings, missteps, and mistakes because we fear that if we tell the truth we will be punished, judged, viewed differently, unaccepted, or unloved. It’s a natural response. We redefine sin to avoid perceived condemnation. We strategically soften the truth as a way of protecting ourselves yet our text today tells us that this is a sign up for a life of failure. Those who hide their sins are limiting their success. If we want all God has for us, we have to be honest. We have to view sin as He does: wrong yet forgiven. When we miss out on one of the aspects of that understanding we miss out on success. Sin is to be repented of but not to be ashamed of in the presence of God. Admitting is part of the repenting process, and because He is merciful, you are safe to admit. If you cannot admit where you’re wrong, you cannot get right. Nothing will change if you cannot acknowledge what isn’t perfect.
So how can we approach this fear of acknowledging failure? How can we stop hiding our sins and forfeiting success as the text says? Our answer is in the B clause of this passage. The text says that if you admit and move forward from your missteps, you will receive mercy. Many of us are afraid to acknowledge where we went wrong because we believe admitting will result in punishment. Yet, the text tells us the opposite. Admitting your faults results in success and mercy. God won't see your problems and think less of you. He accepts you regardless. This understanding is what gives us the courage to admit our weaknesses and move forward from them.
Can I talk to those with influence or those who want influence? We have to stop pointing the finger at how others reacted without paying attention to how we acted. Leaders, the culture of the organization is a reflection of the most toxic behavior tolerated by your leadership. There may be some legitimately crazy people at my church, but I’m forfeiting my personal and professional success if I cannot acknowledge how I could have been a better pastor in these interactions. Contrary to popular belief, my fiancée isn't perfect. But our relationship will never grow or improve If I don't have the honesly to admit that many of her reactions are simply her reactions to my action. If we are going to grow, I have to be ok with apologizing first, humbling myself first, and sacrificing first. A call to influence is a call to accept a greater level of responsibility. A call to manhood is a call to greater accountability.
Many men desire “headship” and “submission” but don't recognize that God confronted Adam when Eve ate the fruit. Do you notice that? I can touch on this more in another study but nothing happens when Eve eats the fruit. You could make the argument that God never directly told her not to eat it but instead deputized Adam to protect her. We only see consequences after Adam eats it, not when Eve does and then God doesn't come calling for Eve, the one who did it first. He goes straight to Adam, the one who had the responsibility. Adam being placed in charge meant that the weight fell on him, not her. Do you see the pressure and responsibility that comes with the headship some men are blindly groping for as a remedy for their own insecurities? Some people want to be followed so bad that they only read one verse about submission in Ephesians and forget the one right before it that says their call is to die first. They forget that in Peter it says that your prayers won't be answered if you don't love your wife right. Are you ready accept the heavier burden of responsibility and suicidal love that makes you safe enough to submit to? People want to be “star players” until they recognize that that means that the entire team will lose if they don't bring their A game. If we believe we are called to leadership, headship, or influence, we gotta lock in, boss up and take responsibility.
Parents, you may be afraid of admitting wrong or offering a genuine apology to your children for fear that they won't love or like you, but can I be painfully honest? They’re more likely to not like you because you refuse to admit your humanity, not because you made the mistake in the first place. Stop forcing your children be more mature than you. As I counsel youth and young adults, a common thread is that much of the trauma people face comes not from the fact that their parents hurt them but from the fact that they were not honest with them. Parents may partially admit fault but guilt trip, make excuses, or give ungenuine apologies when they are afraid to take full responsibility for the role they played. The Bible says that when you admit your faults, you will receive mercy. But if you hide your faults, you will experience continued failure. Familial healing can only come after acknowledgment of sin. Some parents I talk to have no idea how the words, actions, and fears brought on by their continued lack of emotional healing are bleeding on their children. If you care about those you have influence over, you'd be honest enough to admit the hurt you caused and prioritize healing. Maybe the disconnect you are experiencing with your family is coming from the continued failure brought on by you hiding your sins.
This isn't just for parents or pastors. In every aspect of life, I want you to recognize the influence you have and how detrimental it can be when accidentally misplaced. No one is saying you're a terrible person or unworthy of love. I'm not saying you have to be perfect, but I am saying you have to be honest. That's where we will be met with mercy. We all just must make sure we are continually developing. Ellen White says that our highest duty to God and each other is the pursuit of self-development. Emotional development is one of the most forgotten aspects of our sanctification.
I want to lovingly tell you that in order to experience the most your relationships, careers and positions have to offer, you have to genuinely repent and ask for forgiveness while putting yourself at the mercy of the other party's reaction. Allow them to feel it and react too. It may be scary but God promises that when we admit our sins we will receive mercy. Take full responsibility and accountability. We are missing out on experiencing the true mercy of God because we are afraid of uncovering the brokenness He already sees. God’s strength is made perfect when you are courageous enough to acknowledge your weakness. The Bible says that healing comes when we confess our sins to each other. We are missing out on healing and power because we are acting like everything is perfect.
Have the integrity and boldness to apologize is a huge way to mend relational fractures and gain more trust. You may have to study Apology Language to learn how to show remorse in a non-backhanded and shallow way. Take full responsibility for how your decisions affected the health, self-esteem, financial security, sexuality, and relationships of those you’ve had influence over. Parents, your children are struggling with self-image, worldview, and their sense of safety because of your mistakes. They aren’t asking you to fix the mistakes. They’re asking you to admit them. Parents, children, teachers, students, pastors, parishioners. employees, employers, husbands, and wives, take responsibility for what you have affected and can continue to affect regarding the relationships you value. This is about personal responsibility.
I recognize that other parties can extend an olive branch too. I recognize that other parties were not perfect either. But I'm asking you to realize how much power you have and take responsibility as the bigger person to do your part regardless of whether the other person does theirs.
When you ackedlege how you have failed, you open the door to improvement. Growth is only possible when you stop acting perfect. Success is only possible when you admit the sin.
Your educational life will get better if you stop blaming the teachers and recognize how much more discipline you could be employing. I had a 1.8 GPA at one point in college and I can tell you that I had way too many professors for it to be all their fault. I was the common denominator in that equation. You have to recognize that there is more in you. Your work life could get better if you stop talking about your managers and ask yourself if you’re the type of person you'd want to hire. Would you hire, let alone promote, someone who is always talking behind your back and doing the bare minimum? Maybe you aren't trusted for good reason. Do you remember how you reacted the last time? Can you take responsibility for how you hurt others and sympathize with how they're trying to protect themselves by limiting intimacy? If you want to grow, you have to address and correct the areas that are impeding growth.
This concept will sound foreign if you don't have an intimate understanding of the safety and identity you have with God. When you realize that your greatest sins and deepest brokenness don't scare God or change how He thinks about you, you are no longer afraid to show them to Him. The doctor isn't going to be mad at you, view you differently, or deny service because of how sick you are. Your sickness actually attracts this doctor. You can admit your sin. The first step to healing is admitting.
This is truly about honesty. There is a cycle of trust at play here. As God loves you, it gives you the safety to be more honest with Him. As you take the step of honesty and admit your sin, you realize how God loves you in spite of it, and that experience with grace and mercy gives you the safety to admit more of you sin and so on. Freedom is found in the process of admitting. Grace and mercy are found in the process of acknowledgment.
If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—simply come clean about them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we’ve never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God.
1 John 1:9-10 Message
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