Lonely.

Read time: 7 mins

CW: Suicide

Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.”

‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭19‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I love music. Writers have a way of poetically pouring their hearts out through lyric and pitch that is beyond words. Many songs have given me a window into an artist's psyche and even helped me find the words to describe my own throughout my life. Lonely by Justin Bieber and Benny Blanco is one of those songs. Justin emotionally describes the inner feelings that came from his meteoric rise to fame as a 12-year-old preteen. 

If we want to understand how Justin has felt throughout his life, he opens up about one aspect of his traumatic life in the chorus of this song, “What if you had it all, but nobody to call? Maybe then you’d know me. Cause I’ve had everything, but no one's listening and that's just [freaking] lonely. I’m so lonely.” 

Many of us see the success or fame of others and assume they have no problems but I'd actually argue that there are few things as traumatic as fame, power, and attention, especially at a young age. Imagine a world where you are known by everyone factually but almost no one intimately. Imagine a world where your value is solely based on what you do and not who you are. Imagine always being on guard because you don't know who is a gold digger or who is seeking a relationship for selfish reasons. Imagine everyone having an opinion but no one truly offering acceptance. That was Justin’s life from 2007 until now and he describes it as lonely. 

Success often leads to you being seen but not understood, and that can be lonely. Accomplishment often leads to advancement but not acceptance and that is lonely. More and more people may know of you factually but fewer and fewer people seem to care about you intimately. Many talk about you at dinner tables but not many call to pray for you and listen to you. It’s actually been found that the more followers you have on social media, the fewer people check on you in real life. People don’t understand the life you live. Many people see what you do but few people know what the weight feels like. That can be lonely. It’s not loneliness caused by people not being there. It's loneliness caused by feeling like none of those people truly understand you or the weight you're under.

Now I believe the demographic I'm writing to is one of successful people. I believe I'm talking to people who have been uniquely gifted and called to go against the grain. I believe you’re chasing God when others around you don’t understand. I have a hunch that many of you can sympathize with this conundrum of success. You’ve recognized that since you were elected, your friends view you differently. You've felt that the bigger the crowds get, the fewer people you feel comfortable talking to. You’ve recognized that your family can't seem to sympathize with the weight you feel after obeying God and walking into your calling. Like Justin, after success, you feel lonely. Your friends don't understand your schedule, burdens, pressures , or temptations. That can be lonely. Success doesn’t offer an escape from depression, anxiety, and loneliness. On the contrary, success often leads to feelings of seclusion. That’s lonely.

Elijah has had some of the biggest successes in his life to date but instead of going to a celebration or an after party, he finds himself alone flirting with suicide. This stalwart of the faith finds himself in a suicidal stupor after he has literally just seen God do one of the most monumental miracles in human history. God used birds to deliver him meals. God used him to create an infinite InstaCart for a widow and her son. God even used him to raise a boy from the dead. God uses him to call down fire from heaven and stop a drought that has wrecked their country. God has been using Elijah. Years earlier, God had called him to prophesy a drought that would completely kill the economy of an agrarian society. This prophecy sent him running for his life. Now it is time to end it, so you’d expect Elijah to be celebrated for bringing back the rains and saving their GDP and way of life, but he gets the opposite. Jezabel swears that she will kill Elijah. Elijah is back on the run. 

He’s back on the run. The Bible says that he left his servant, traveled all day in the wilderness, and then sat under a tree and asked God to take his life. I’m sure there were many factors that led to his desire for escape. I can imagine he was tired of running. I can imagine he was disappointed. You’d think that stopping the thing that caused you to be threatened before wouldn’t cause you to be threatened again but it seems like Elijah can't get a break. There are a lot of factors that led to his desire for death but there’s one I want to touch on specifically. I believe Elijah was lonely. Let’s look at the story. 

God steps into Elijah’s situation and meets him under the tree. There are many practical lessons we can learn. God tells him to rest and eat. God renews his strength and helps him change environments. Then God sits with him and asks questions as He gives Elijah space to express his feelings. We can learn a lot about how God deals with us and how we should help others and even ourselves through mental health challenges by how God deals with Elijah's mental, physical, and emotional health at this moment. But one remedy God gives to Elijah isn't normally presented unless you pay attention to what Elijah expresses during his divine venting session. 

Twice, Elijah tells God, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too (‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭19‬:‭10‬, 14).” 

Elijah's response gives us a glimpse into his psyche like a well-written song. There are two main sides to this response. First is that Elijah has fought and sacrificed to serve, but he is still getting death threats. He has fought to bring others into a relationship with God and it seems like none of it is working. He thought he’d get something positive as the fruit of his labor but all he seems to get is negative. He can't seem to get a break. Have you ever felt like your fight for God is in vain? I can only imagine how tired he felt. We can understand the pain in that. But the second point is another place I believe many of us can sympathize with. 

Elijah responds with “I am the only one left.” Elijah doesn’t just feel like he's been working and it's in vain. He feels alone. Now this is interesting because God says verses later that there are 7,000 in Israel who haven’t broken their covenant with Him. Why didn’t Elijah have anyone to talk to or decompress with? Why didn't he seem to have a community or tribe? I’d want to argue that Elijah was not alone physically, but I understand why he felt alone experientially. 

Elijah has opened himself up to God and has been used in a way that many cannot sympathize with. They don’t know what it’s like to be in his shoes or at this level of intimacy with God. Elijah was so successful in ministry that even though there were other prophets, many couldn’t identify with the weight and pressure he was dealing with. I can imagine the other prophets seeing what God has done through Elijah and not understanding how he can still be stressed and depressed. That’s lonely. 

Aside from them not understanding, I can imagine the sense of competition. The issue with success is that your blessings can sound like bragging. Can you imagine how lonely it was for Joseph to be given a beautiful coat and then be trusted with a divine dream, only for his immediate family to throw him away because of it? Success brings loneliness not just because others may not understand the weight. It brings loneliness because some will be jealous of you instead of rejoicing with you. 

I imagine some of these other prophets wished God used them to call down fire from heaven, not even recognizing the burden that would come from that blessing. I can imagine jealousy blocking Elijah and the other prophets from having real intimacy and brotherhood. That could be lonely. 

You may have felt the same things. Family and friends don't understand the weight you're under. Like the parents who ignore depression in their children, they discount what you feel because of how much you have. They don't get it. They make fun of you for carrying the weight of discipline and then are jealous when they see the fruit. They’re offended by your prayer request because they point out your position. It hurts and it can be lonely. 

Many of us want to be isolated like Elijah. Elijah gets rid of his servant and goes into the woods. We cut people off and go to our prospective escape. But look what God gives Elijah as a remedy. God tells Elijah to go find a mentee in Elisha. This is so simple it blows my mind that we skip over it in this story. 

Elijah is lonely because no one around him seems to be cut from the same cloth. No one can relate to the immense call on his life. But God leads him to someone who can. God tells him to reach out and love someone else as a remedy for his lack of love, loneliness, and pain. 

You are one of the youngest executives and it may be lonely. You may be the only black woman on the board and it may feel lonely. You may be one of the only people taking your relationship seriously and that can be lonely. You may be one of the only people who are walking in their calling this intentionally and that may feel lonely. You may be the only one who sees where God can take the church and is crazy enough to fight for it. That’s a lonely road. But there's a remedy we often overlook. 

Michael Jordan didn't really open up to many people until he met Kobe. Find someone cut from the same cloth and pour into them. Let that be your community. When you feel alone on this Christian journey it's time to make more disciples. It won’t just benefit them, it will benefit you. We often think of mentorship as just benefiting the mentee, but I believe it also rejuvenates the mentors. Could it be pouring out for others is something God uses to pour into you?

I'm going to be honest. I’ve found myself being lonely. It’s hard to being an unmarried pastor in a new city. I’m new to adulting, new to the job and I don't know who to trust. I have to be intentional about creating community. While sometimes it’s good to get solitude and stillness, it is also not good for man to be alone.

While I feel lonely, I know I’m not alone. There are others feeling the same way. There are others who are still fighting. There are those who care. And you know what's interesting? I’m reminded about them when I reach out and ask if I can pray for them. I’m reminded that I'm not alone when I check on others. Like Jesus said, doing the will of my Father is what seems to fill me. I’m reminded that the battle isn't over when God leads me to pour myself out for someone else. Maybe the remedy for loneliness is loving others. 

Imagine Moses dealing with the people’s complaints and then turning to Joshua and remembering he isn't doing this alone. Mary felt comfortable running to Elizabeth's house when she was pregnant because she wasn't the only one who knew what it was like to have an immaculate conception. That relationship didn't just benefit Mary. It benefited Elizabeth too. Create that relationship for someone else. Paul did not give up when he was in jail, he passed the time by writing letters to Timothy and Titus. When everyone else seemed to be against him, he turned his attention to pouring into those who understood the path he was on so that they could make it farther than he did. Jesus’ own family didn't believe in him but he had a group of fishermen who did. If you feel lonely, maybe it's time to replicate yourself. Maybe it's time to pour into someone who you know is called to the same lane of ministry. 

If you feel like the only person fighting the battle you're fighting, recruit more people. If you feel like you're the only person on the court, expand your team. God seems to fill when you pour. When you feel lonely, don't isolate, replicate. Pour into others and God will pour into you.

I want to close but one more point. Suicide is a cry for escape. And what's interesting is God often gives us our deepest desire in methods beyond our comprehension. Elijah thought his escape would be found in death but God supplied it through eternal life. The Bible says that a whirlwind of fire and a fiery chariot came and swept Elijah away to heaven. I can’t imagine the weight you may feel. Many of us can't. But don’t take escape into your own hands. God will send your escape hatch when you need it most. God has peace, rest, and joy stored away for you that no one can take away. Just trust Him and hold on. I promise the pain won't last too long. 

I'm asking that you send this to someone who may feel alone. In your own words, remind them that you are with them and that their efforts aren't in vain. Tell them of the work you've seen because it's often hard to see the growth while you're in the storm. Let them know that they're seen, valued, and not alone. 

Pray for this ministry as we continue to encourage those who need the peace that Jesus brings. Please consider pledging to a consistent donation through this website or Cash App $ThoughtsByPace so that we can continue producing consistent content that edifies the body. Thank you so much.