Proverbs 31 Man
A message to my readers:
Recently, I've felt God heavily pushing me to write a book for young men. Over the last few years, I've been learning and growing very intensively and intentionally. I graduated from college, moved to a city I had never been to before, started working an adult job, and eventually got engaged and married. It's been a lot, I've learned a lot, I've cried a lot, I've been stretched a lot, and I want to help others who are on the same journey. As I reflect on past growth and focus in as I approach new opportunities for growth, I want to share what I’ve come to learn. So I've been studying, pushing myself, and getting comfortable being uncomfortable while reflecting on what manhood means.
So here is a sneak peek. (You've probably already seen a shift in my writing as my personal study and reflection habits have shifted.) This is going to be one of the concepts found in that book that you will learn more about soon, and while it targets men directly, I want all of the women who regularly read these devotionals to lean in and prayerfully allow God to translate what this means for your life. Don't feel alienated by the examples or angle it may come from, because while I'm trying to directly speak to a demographic that is often missed, it is truly a message for all growing Christians. Ready to dive in with me? Let's go.
Devotional:
Read Time: 9 mins
The words of King Lemuel, the strong advice his mother gave him: “Oh, son of mine, what can you be thinking of! Child whom I bore! The son I dedicated to God! Don’t dilute your strength on fortune-hunting women, promiscuous women who shipwreck leaders. “Leaders can’t afford to make fools of themselves, gulping wine and swilling beer, Lest, hung over, they don’t know right from wrong, and the people who depend on them are hurt. Use wine and beer only as sedatives, to kill the pain and dull the ache Of the terminally ill, for whom life is a living death. “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the misfits. Speak out for justice! Stand up for the poor and destitute!”
Proverbs 31:1-9 MSG
We spend a lot of time telling women to be a “Proverbs 31 Woman” but fail to employ the same effort when telling men to pursue the lifestyle of a Proverbs 31 Man. The passage of Proverbs 31 is actually introduced as a message to men. It’s a word of advice from a mother to a son. It’s a word of warning to a king, and that’s what you must understand if you’re going to walk in the wisdom of this passage.
The first assumption this text makes, that you must recognize if you are to benefit from it, is the assumption that the reader is a king. It's the assumption that the reader is of royal blood. If you are going to claim your kingly position and identify with your royal call, this text is for you. However, if you are still denying your royal lineage, the influence and power you carry, and the importance of this call, you will not accept the warnings or benefit from the power found in this text.
All through the Bible, people who are called to great levels of success or impact are called to live irregular lives. While normal people may be able to get away with common mindsets, habits, or methods scot-free, those called to great power and platform were often given restrictions along with their responsibility. Sampson was called to such a high level of impact that an angel came to his mother and said that he couldn’t just not get drunk; he couldn’t drink anything alcoholic. He could not eat forbidden food or cut his hair. Normal stuff was off limits to him because he wasn’t called to be normal. He couldn’t even eat grapes or raisins. His call was so far from normal that his lifestyle couldn’t be normal. Things that weren’t even sinful for others were restrictions for him because of how much power God planned on giving him.
If you believe God is calling you to great things, you have to be willing to accept great restrictions. They may seem unreasonable or unnecessary, but an uncommon call comes with an uncommon curriculum.
We praise it and understand it when it comes to athletes and influencers, but wince when God calls us to uncommon levels of deliberate discipline. If our favorite athlete follows a special diet, engages in specific exercise, or conducts strict lifestyle values, we are inspired, but when God asks us to walk into greater levels of impact with similar levels of intentionality, we get irritated.
As we discuss this passage today, I want you to be open to what habits or modifications the Spirit may be leading you to implement in your life. If you don’t believe you’re called to a normal life, you cannot live a normal life. If you’re called to be a king, you have to live like one.
King Lemuel’s mother starts her discourse by warning her powerful son about two things that have been the ruin of many kings: women and wine. Now, women and wine are both known to bring pleasure, comfort, and escape from the pressures and problems of this world. They are often tools used to ease the pain of powerful leaders. They’re used to bring a sense of peace in a world of pain. They bring solace to a space of uncertainty. But King Lemuel’s mother is warning him and us that these ventures can quickly become vices. While they bring benefits to others, they may be burdens in the hands of people as called and anointed as we are. While they may appear to help others, their misuse may harm us.
A Warning of Women (or whoever else you go to for escape)
She starts by saying that it is not good for kings to waste their strength on women who ruin men of great influence and impact. Now this text isn’t saying that women are evil, but it is saying to be wary of the influence of an immoral one. Like anything, a blessing used out of bounds becomes a burden. Anything used outside of its purpose becomes a problem. The same is true with the people we allow to have an intimate influence on our lives. When you use a person like an object, both parties get poisoned. The Bible says that Solomon’s heart was turned away from the source of his strength because he allowed connections with those he should have had boundaries with. Momentary pleasures prevented him from reaching his full potential and poisoned his purpose.
Many of us seek out women or other intimate relationships as a means to soothe emotional hurts and pains while using them to dampen the pressures and problems we face. It’s when we use women as objects for our own personal pleasure that priceless people start looking and behaving more like painful problems. This warning of wicked women is touched on a lot in wisdom literature because while women and our desire for intimacy are one of God's greatest gifts, it can be perverted into one of the devil's greatest tools. This version of the passage says not to waste energy on fortune hunting and promiscuous women who shipwreck kings, but it doesn’t stop there. It also says that kings shouldn’t drink wine.
A Warning of Wine (or whatever else you use to escape)
This is another area of confrontation that may be uncomfortable. King Lemuel’s mother continues by saying that it’s not wise for kings to guzzle wine. She says it can be given to those who are dying, but not to those who are called to preserve the lives of others. It's given as an escape and remedy for those who are helpless, but not advised for those who are called to help. Do you see the difference?
While many seem to enjoy drinking with no problem, King Lemuel’s mother raises a question. Are you a king? Kings are called to use their freedom to save others, while everyone else can use their ability to satisfy themselves. It may not be a bad decision necessarily, but is it worth it for someone called to carry more than their own load? As a king who holds immense influence, how much of your potential power are you willing to risk in your involvement with things that may limit your ability to perform? She says that while people who are suffering should be given wine to forget their sorrows, kings should not drink because it may lead them to mismanage their call and mishandle their power. She tells her son that too many people depend on him for him to allow anything in his life that could lead to an off day.
It may be ok for everyone else, but King Lemuel’s mother was intentional about letting her royal son know that he can’t afford to be normal. Too much was riding on him. Too much would be impacted if he fell. Too much potential would be lost if he squandered his power. While other people can get away with lifestyles that may be fun, normal, or comforting, the question here is, are the risks associated with that lifestyle worth it, considering the magnitude of the call on your life?
What this means for you
I want to use these warnings as evidence for the fact that there are things that may be normal or beneficial to others that may not be for you. Paul says that just because we have the personal freedom and ability to do things, it doesn’t mean that everything we can do is good for us. Just because you could doesn't mean you should. Paul explains that everything we do, even things as trivial as eating and drinking, should be done for the glory of God. Everything should be in line with us desiring to give our full, unadulterated selves to God as a living sacrifice He can use to point others to Him.
Paul explains that some things may be ok for some but sinful for others based on the convictions that come with their individual call. This is where nuance may come in. Your call will impact your convictions. Lebron likely feels more convicted about his health and nutrition than you ever will because he has a different call. In Romans 14, Paul says that whatever you believe about matters of personal conviction and conscious is between you and God, but living outside of what you personally believe God has called you to by faith is sin. This concept takes a lot of spiritual maturity for many of us to understand. The same thing can be ok for others but not for you, based on what God has called you to walk out. Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 6 and 8 are good passages for you to study as you walk out your own convictions and freedoms and their relation to your call and level of influence.
There are things that may not be blatantly wrong that you shouldn't post because of your influence level. There are things others can say, but you likely shouldn't because of how much weight your voice carries. There may be things you can handle that others can’t. There may be things that others can handle that you shouldn't. It's all about accepting the unique call of influence God has placed on your life. It may not be worth it for someone with as special a calling as us to engage in behaviors that have even a fractional risk of derailment, destruction, or distraction from our call.
Are You Really Who God Says You Are?
There are two questions that I want you to reflect on. The first is this: Are you a king? This passage is written as a warning for those who hold power and influence. While others may be able to handle and even thrive with the normal vices of life and their potential for problems, the life of a king matters too much to add any risk, even if it's fractional. It has been said that LeBron spends millions each year on his health alone. Now, I bet LeBron could perform pretty well without following his routine fully, however, his call is so great that the chance of what could be lost if he isn’t committed and disciplined is too dire to risk it. There are time wasters, emotional escapes, and numbing agents that normal people use; the question is whether or not you are called to be normal.
I’m not telling you what you should and shouldn’t do. I’m also not telling you that you need to be perfect tomorrow and never do anything else with any risk of lessons or losses, but I am telling you to be intentional. Are you living with an intentionality in line with your dreams? Are you living like you matter as much as God says you do?
The Holy Spirit will convict you of things that you may be called to let go of or be more intentional about. This is about progression, so as you develop, your God ordained restrictions may increase or even decrease. But it is worth it because with great power comes proportional responsibility.
Others may be able to skip the gym, but you can’t because of the call on your life. Others may be able to eat whatever and go wherever, but you hold too much influence to live like your time is insignificant. Others may be able to ignore the warnings, but you have too much riding on you. Others may be able to be nonchalant and normal, but there are too many people depending on you. You’re too special. You mean too much.
Your words may be different because they hold a different influence. The intentionality you put into your health and fitness may be different because your life span directly impacts those around you. The content you consume may be different because you are called to pour what you’ve been filled with. You can’t relax the same as regular people. You can’t work the same as a regular person. You may need a consistent bedtime that others call lame. You may need a regular reading regimen, while others waste away on social media. You may need a Bible study consistency that is above average.
Daniel prayed three times a day when the average person prayed no times a day because he was easily carrying more than three times the average person's plight of power and pressure. Jesus withdrew with His father regularly when others didn’t because His calling wasn’t to be regular. You are called to more than average. You are called to live like no one else so that you can be like no one else. Ask yourself this: Are you truly doing your best and living your life like it matters, or are you wasting time on the things that are the ruin of kings?
What is Your Why?
As we approach a close on this concept, the second question I want you to consider is this: What is your “why”? As you are led to develop disciplines to direct your destiny, you must consider your “why”. What gets you out of bed in the morning? What makes this discipline and sacrifice worth it? What is the vision? If this is about you, the motivation will fizzle out as challenges increase. However, if your why is bigger than you, it will carry you when motivation and inspiration wane.
King Lemuel’s mother reminds us that as Kings, our why should be other-centered. “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the misfits. Speak out for justice! Stand up for the poor and destitute!” You have a great power because God trusted you to use it for those who don’t. You have a voice to speak up for those who can't and resources to stand up and in for those who don’t have what you have.
Think of the people you are here to serve. Think of the impact and legacy you’re trying to leave. Think of the people you are here to save. What version of you do they need? Recognizing that you’re here for more than you gives you the inspiration to live a life that’s bigger than you.
We joke with my friend, Que, that a new version of him emerged when he started to consider marriage with his now wife. He worked harder. He became a more intentional and present leader. His capacity greatly increased seemingly overnight. A new side of him was forced out because he was called to something bigger. It seemed that every step he made relationally asked for a new and more intentional version of himself.
Husbands live with a different intentionality and focus than bachelors do. It’s because they’re living for more than themselves. Fathers live with a different gear than those who are only looking out for themselves. When I got married, I noticed myself saying no to more and yes to less because I wasn't just living for myself. Honestly, I felt it growing at every stage leading up to marriage. There was more than just me to protect and provide for emotionally, financially, physically, and spiritually.
You may not have children or be getting married, but you, too, are called to love. You are called to pour. You are called to protect. That means that you need to be serious about limiting the things that would limit your ability to prosper in that role. The Proverbs 31 Man is one that loves the people he is called to love so much that he will give of himself and sacrifice the common vices and freedoms that others selfishly rely on and indulge in. He gives up what he can do to embrace what he’s called to. Doesn’t that sound like Jesus? He will give you the desire and power to be for others what He is for you.
_____
Thank you for your support!
This ministry is funded with the support of readers like you. Please continue to support through the donation tab linked below or through Cash App at $ThoughtsByPace. This ministry has been able to thrive because of your support. It means the world no matter how small.
If you can’t give, continue to share. Help others subscribe through the subscribe tab or by texting the word “thoughts” to (844) 750-0137. The growth continues to motivate me to reach more people with messages of hope and growth.
And above all, please continue to pray. This is a spiritual matter that needs spiritual power. Thank you.
And if you want to support and celebrate my new marriage, here is a link to the registry ;). Couldn’t appreciate you more!
You can keep up with me on Instagram 👇🏽
